trust me when I said I'm tired of being always positive which | Lifeless 🥀

trust me when I said I'm tired of being always positive which means I mean it . I always do silent treatment whenever I feel pain. why ? cause I want people to know that I'm fine . but deep inside , I'm slowly dying , I always take care of others feelings but I'm cruel toward my feeling. I always fake my smile until I can't differentiate my emotion either I'm ok or not ok . whenever I'm about to cry, I put a stop because I know once I begin to cry, I will lose control of myself, It will not easy to stop my tears from falling . you can't see how struggled I tried to kill my emotion by wearing a fake smile day by day . no matter how hard I try to be strong, I'll never deny how painful and weak I am . therefore, day by day, I'II become cold-heartened . yes, I know that I'm cruel toward myself . I know I can't hurt others, thus, I choose to hurt myself . I hold everything by myself until the moment I can't bear it anymore . It is not easy for me but will endure it forever . If I felt pain, I choose to take sleep and woke up as if nothing happens to me . I deny that I'm in pain . dear self, I'm so sorry because you need to go through all this . my red flag? I always deny that I'm in pain .

@lifelesstory .